Practical Advice for Introverts When Talking to People

As I grew up from childhood to adulthood, I noticed a significant transformation in myself—I shifted from being an extrovert to becoming more introverted. While I once thrived on conversations and social interactions, I gradually found that engaging with people drained my energy, and I began seeking solace in my inner world. It changed when I came across Leil Lowndes' book How to Talk to Anyone. This insightful read reignited my passion for socializing and interacting with others. It reminded me that connecting with people doesn't have to feel exhausting—it can be enjoyable and empowering. For those introverts out there who might feel the same way, I’d like to share a few tips and tricks that helped me rekindle my enthusiasm for meaningful social engagement.

1. Turn the Spotlight on Others

When talking to others, always try to turn the spotlight on them. Truly confident individuals often do this naturally. In contrast, those who constantly talk about themselves may seek attention, relying on external validation to feel good. This behavior often reflects a lack of genuine confidence. Truly confident people don't need others' approval to feel secure, they exude their confidence through their ability to listen and uplift others. They focus on giving others the space to talk and shine. This approach is especially ideal for introverts —you don't need to be the one talking all the time. Instead, ask thoughtful questions and encourage others to share. Let them talk, let them shine. By doing so, you will learn and grow more by listening than speaking, and the talker feel valued, appreciated, and captivated. Communication is the art of making others feel seen and heard. Mastering this builds trust, rapport, and meaningful connections.

2. Ask the Questions that Spark Openness

Cultivate a sense of knowledgeable curiosity which makes you engaging and worth talking to. A great way to develop this is by diversifying your experiences. Activities like skiing, scuba diving, running, hiking, biking, tennis, golf, chess, or gardening expose you to different worlds, teaching you insider questions and terms that enrich your conversations. When speaking with people from different industries, preparation is key. Stay informed about the latest news in their field or consult friends who work in that industry to learn about current hot topics or challenges. This demonstrates genuine interest and fosters meaningful discussions. Additionally, enrich your vocabulary to sound smarter. Review the top 50 words you use most frequently, find synonyms, and incorporate more precise or impactful language into your conversations.

3. Adopt a “You First” Mindset

When engaging with others, put them first in the conversation. Start your sentences with "YOU" to capture their attention, as people naturally focus on themselves. This tactic works in various scenarios, whether you’re introducing yourself, asking for a favor, or making small talk. Echoing their words can quickly establish subliminal rapport. By using their language, you signal that you share their values, attitudes, and experiences, fostering a sense of connection.

To deepen the connection, show empathy and validation. Use phrases like "I hear you," "That's really exciting," "I can appreciate why you decided to do that," or "I see what you mean." These small yet powerful expressions show that you understand and respect their feelings, helping to build trust and strengthen the relationship.

Match your conversation to the mood and context of your listener. For instance, if they’re in a rush, stick to light small talk instead of a deep conversation. Use metaphors or phrases familiar to their field to make your communication more relatable and impactful. If you want someone to truly listen to your thoughts, start by "draining their tank"—give them the space to express their own ideas and feelings first. Once they've shared what's on their mind, they'll be more open and ready to hear you out.

Finally, practice patience in conversations. Avoid interrupting—even to share a quick “me too.” Instead, let them finish speaking. Never be left speechless, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says and the ball is back in their court. Then all you need to do is listen.

Becoming a skilled conversationalist takes a lot of effort, but the rewards are well worth it.